holdthatmayo

Facebooking Against Big Mayo

Craig Horwitz — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:26:55 -0400

As we approach the end of our summer hiatus, the mayo fight has been cranked up even another notch. I am excited to announce that scores of groups have been popping up left and right on Facebook and MySpace, bringing together people from all walks of life who share a common enemy. Many of these group memberships are in triple digits, some even four. If you are searching for these holy armies on any of the social networks, it's best to do a key word search that's a bit more specific than "mayo." You see, in addition to being Satan's spew, Mayo also happens to be a county in Ireland and an obscure college in India. (although not obscure enough to prevent their annoying alumni from organizing facebook groups for their ill-conceived university name.) You will even come across a few sick groups who have a "love of mayo" theme but please don't be scared. This is actually another positive function of social networking in our War Against Mayo, which we learned way back in the Godfather I and II. ("Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.") So for a more targeted search, it's best to add words like "sucks" , "hate" and "anti" against the terms "mayo" and "mayonnaise." (Some groups spell out the full name of the beast.) So for example, some successful searches would be “mayo sucks” and “hate mayonnaise” You will be amazed about how many groups come up during these filtered searches who think the same way as we do. One of the more successful hate groups on Facebook is based out of Malibu California.(their logo is above) They actually organized a huge protest in front of the Heinz factory in downtown Los Angeles on

Renowned Caterer Creates 12 days of Mayo-free Pasta Salad for the July 4th Holiday!

Craig Horwitz — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:15:31 -0400

There is nothing more perplexing as to why soiling some cold chicken or pasta with a mayo adhesive gets to be called a salad? Originally, a salad was only supposed to be a colorful, lite, and nutritious dance of fresh vegetables. Well, the history behind this brutal word-twisting can no doubt be attributed to Big Mayo. Their motive was to make people feel better about themselves, after consuming their white poison! By the way, for those not familiar with the term, Big Mayo, it applies to the “big three” mayonnaise corporations in the United States and United Kingdom. (i.e. Hellmann’s, Heinz and Kraft Foods) So it’s always inspiring when we get to report about people like Colleen Cheechalk, who is taking on Big Mayo head on. Ms. Cheechalk is a well known private caterer in upstate NY, and President of the Eat Local Southern Tier. (a great organization that connects food-service professionals, farm, and community together to promote eating that is good, clean and fair) But most important, (for our purposes, anyway) is that she's the author of the cooking blog, foodwineartdesign.com. Last year around this time, she created the 12 days of mayo-free pasta salad to lead us into the July 4th celebration. Although this ground-breaking piece fell under our radar at HoldThatMayo Headquarters, fortunately we caught it in time for this year’s Independence Day. (which thanks to Ms. Cheechalk, can also mean independence from mayonnaise for salads all across our great land) Each of the 12 days features a creative and refreshing recipe, completely void of mayo. She really showcases just how far one can go with items like lemon juice, olive oil, soy sauce, the right combination of spices and farm fresh ingredients. As far as the more traditional pasta salads, oozing with empty calories that comes only from adding the creamy tasteless filth, we can all help show its true colors by coming up with more appropriate terms. For example, instead of macaroni salad, call it macaroni massacre. It's not chicken salad but

Hot Dog Theory of Man

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 27 May 2009 15:56:28 -0400

So a reality television star is actually putting condiments into the spotlight. Introducing Jillian Harris, who during a previous stint on the Bachelor, came up with a very quirky love theorem. It’s based on hot dogs! Yes, I said hot dogs so no need to adjust your monitor. In the World According to Jill, the window into a man’s soul is his preferred topping . ( * when limited to only 1 hot dog accessory ) Now that Jill upgraded herself to the star of “The Bachelorette,” this restaurant designer and wannabe foodie psychologist can really dig deep into field testing. However, before poking any holes into Jill’s “theory” we first need to express that:

a) We think it’s mega cool that she’s so passionate about hot dogs.

b) Thank God she didn't dare include mayo as a possible hot dog condiment!

The problem is that while it is certainly very original and clever, there is not even the slightest remnant of logic to back it up. As the above link references, she feels squeezing out some ketchup denotes “an all American boy who is not a huge risk-taker.” Ex-squeeze me? First of all, there is nothing more un-American than a bleeding hot dog. Everyone knows mustard is clearly the yankee-doodle-dandy of hot dog condiments. The only thing good anyone could say about the ketchup move is that it's ballsy, which clearly contradicts the second part of her diagnosis. I think all this confusion might stem from Jillian actually being from Canada and not the U.S., so we'll cut her a bit of slack and move on. She concludes “onion guys will never marry” (possible due to bad breath?) and “Sauerkraut is the bad boy.” (hopefully, she does not offend too many Germans with the latter) But even if you can somehow roll with these culinary indications of sour traits, things turn even more ridiculous and fast as she expands her analysis in the video above. Jillian seems to be obsessed with finding “a mustard” who she feels are the most balanced people . However, the mustard gene pool runs deep. It's not like searching for the Holy Grail. What sort of freak doesn’t like mustard on their hot dog? Also in the video , she finally addresses relish , a condiment that can’t be overlooked since it’s probably the second most popular hot dog topping out there . She associates pickle juice with being artsy and creative but when she gets caught off guard by a bacon answer, she backpedals to her official relish response. The problem is that bacon and relish have no similarities on the food chain. Plus, there is nothing creative about adding bacon because it makes everything taste better, duh! And then, fried onions denotes multiple

HoldThatMayo Gaining Momentum in Canada of all Places !

Craig Horwitz — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:50:42 -0400

At first , I was surprised to see holdthatmayo.com really start to take hold in Canada. You see, initially, I had completely written off that country. In case you are not already aware, it's a hotbed of mayonnaise consumption up there! (most likely due to that nasty French influence) But as the hits kept pouring in from our northern neighbors, it got me thinking that Canada is a place where the seeds of condiment discontent can most flourish. It's like we're taking the battle to ground zero where not even hamburgers are safe.

So with that in mind, it's time to honor the film "The Whole Nine Yards." It takes place in the Great White North and accurately depicts the deplorable eating conditions our non-French Canadian Comrades experience. Bruce Willis has a fantastic anti-mayo rant that will begin at the 1:10 mark on the clip to your right. It kinda puts everything into perspective.

Getting Drunk on Bacon

Craig Horwitz — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:33:40 -0500

Whenever I go off about bacon being a gift from God , being able to create world-peace, complementing every single dish on earth, yada yada yada, I always exclude beverages and deserts in the fine print. (even the most rabid bacon fanatic would surely hurl at the sight of bacon bits on their chocolate milkshake) However, after a recent trip to Las Vegas, I learned that "alcoholic" beverages might be a whole different ballgame. Believe it or not, there's a place in sin city called the Double-Down saloon that serves a Bacon-tini. It's basically alcohol poured over raw bacon and aged a week in the fridge! (the version in the pic below looks like it is a cooked version which dependent upon your perspective, could make it more appealing) Sadly, as pro-bacon as I am, I couldn't go there. But for what it's worth, I am now feeling a twinge of regret. However, I am hopeful that some of our readers will find the internal strength, overcome their fear of salmonella , and take the plunge, the next time they are in Vegas. If so, please post the details here so I can vicariously drink this sweet nectar of the pig .

California Eating

Craig Horwitz — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:34:33 -0400

In order to advertise any omelet specifically as a "California Omelet" there needs to be an avocado inside. (As that fruit is synonymous with California.) Now I know some foodies out there are questioning the "fruit" label they just read. However, even though it tastes like a vegetable, the seeds dictate otherwise, very much like the tomato. I would actually prefer that we draw the line between fruit and vegetable by taste, not seeds, but that is another post. So getting back on point, Californians know their avocado. So no surprise that straight out of the Golden State , comes great news that the golden avocado can actually replace mayo in tuna and chicken salad. Anti-mayites get beat up for not partaking in these so called lettuce-free "salads" but no more, thanks to Michael Goran, Ph.D., professor of preventive medicine at the Keck School of Medicine of USC. He discovered that the smooth avocado texture produces the same effect, while avocados are higher in monounsaturated fatty acids (the good kind) and low in saturated fat. This means that chicken-salad lovers can lower their cholesterol numbers and stop skeezing out all

Obama Hates the Mayonnaise !

Craig Horwitz — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 20:25:55 -0400

As soon as Barack Obama admitted to the New York Times that he hates mayo, Holdthemayites across the world began to salivate. The thought of the leader of the culinary world, Rachael Ray, and the potential leader of the free world, coming together on this issue , could mean mayo's days are seriously numbered. Suddenly, thoughts of mayo-free dining areas and tax breaks to restaurants who refuse adding any unsolicited slime to their sandwiches do not seem so outlandish. Looking back, it was a bit premature for this blog to endorse Hillary Clinton, but to our defense, Barrack had not yet come out of the jar. Many thanks to Charles Memminger, for helping to publicize this story. Charles is an award winning columnist from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin who is pretty much the "George Washington" of the anti-mayo movement. He started the good fight back in 1988, when he founded the Worldwide I Hate Mayonnaise Club. Today, the club has members all over the world and in every state of the union, except Arkansas. You can get a

Ronald McDonald- Classic Clown Serial Killer

Craig Horwitz — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:57:40 -0400

One could say that Ronald Mcdonald fits the profile of the classic serial killer. Think about it: He dresses like a clown, (click here to see Stephen King's view on the subject) and more importantly, slowly killed millions over the years with his fried, greasy, mayo-laced food. However, since there is not an immediate cause-effect relationship, many parents still do not think twice about sending their kids down the deep dark path of Happy Meals. If they watched this commercial beforehand, I bet they would think twice. How creepy is this!

Press the "Easy Button" to lower your cholesterol

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 14 May 2008 19:09:22 -0400

The “in” thing these days in medical circles, regardless of a person's age, is routinely checking cholesterol levels. Suddenly, we approach a doctor’s appointment like we’re cramming for a college final, sacrificing as much red meat and saturated fats as possible, in the 11th hour, to achieve that passing LDL score. However, would you also consider drinking a glass of red wine per day a sacrifice? You see, discoveries are happening on multiple fronts that show red wine lowers ldl . (but not so much its white counterpart) These studies are reinforced by what is known as “ the French Paradox” — An association between red wine and decreased heart disease in a country obsessed with cooking in eggs! (turns out those French mayo-eating bastards can actually teach us a lesson with regard to our beverage consumption). — This medical fact was first attributed to resveratrol, a compound found in grapes, which acts as an antioxidant. Now , even more recent news came in December

Holdthatmayo.com endorses Hillary Clinton

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:34:24 -0400

Food preferences are strong clues to personality. Just look at the cliche "you are what you eat." So surprisingly, the major media outlets have really dropped the ball on this issue, with respect to the 2008 presidential campaign. Therefore I have extensively researched clues to the candidates' eating habits from various web sites and blog postings, to help determine which candidate should earn our endorsement. I could not find any anti-mayo views in the McCain camp. This was not surprising. He has fully endorsed and wants to continue the Bush administration's policies in Iraq. Clearly he is a warmonger. Warmongers do not value human life, thus warmongers will not think twice about eating or even endorsing for that matter, some slimy, vile, artery clogging substance like mayo. However on the democrat side of things, I was really surprised to not find any record of Barack Obama speaking out on this issue. Here's why. Did you ever see the very under-rated Undercover Brother ? For those who missed that flick, Undercover Brother (played brilliantly by Eddie Griffin) is recruited by the group of Good Guys, know as the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D. an all-black justice league to foil the Man's plan to derail a Colin Powell-like presidential candidate. There is an infamous quote from this movie : " if you're going to fit in to white America, you're gonna have to learn to like MAYONNAISE! " Yup, that was a theme

McDonalds Getting Desperate

Craig Horwitz — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 14:47:00 -0500

It has been over 3 years since its release and it seems like McDonalds has definitely been feeling the ill effects of the Super Size Me phenomenon. America is now more educated than ever about the toxicity of fast food so McDonalds first responded with a few semi-healthy additions to their menu. However, a little yogurt for desert is not going to counteract all the ill effects of that low quality, fried burger smothered with mayo. No McDonalds , there is nothing special about your so called "special sauce." We all know it spoiled mayo so let's call a spade a spade! And as far as your salads, you even managed to screw up your vegetables. Recent research claims that McDonalds' salads contain nearly a third more salt than a Big Mac and Fries. And once you add that disgusting mayo-based dressing, the overall calorie count is competitive as well. Clearly, these lame-ass attempts were not enough to appease a more health conscious nation when it comes to fast food and since their customers' collective sub-conscious are still addicted to Big Macs like lab rats, why not resort to subliminal advertising. Yup, you heard me right; very very shady stuff. If you want to see the proof first-hand, check out this frame by frame analysis of a recent Iron Chef episode:

Time for the Mayo Clinic to Change its Name !

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:43:50 -0500

I was checking out a global ranking of life expectancy and after realizing that people from developed Asian countries are clearly living longer, (Japan and Hong Kong are at the top of the list), it’s long overdue for some studies linking their lifestyle to their longevity. And by “lifestyle”, I am mostly referring to diet, of course. You gotta give props to eastern medicine which tends to be more “preventative” than its western counterpart. Another distinction, is their reliance on sea vegetation. But most important of all, Asians do not eat mayonaisse. I double-dog dare you to post even one item from a Japanese restaurant that is contaminated. So the connection is clear . Now it’s just a matter of waiting for some formal study making this link official. When that blessed day arrives, the Mayo clinic will need to change their horribly ironic name. (wouldn’t it be great if they are the ones who end up doing the study!) How can any health organization justify

Foodies Need to Beware of Fillers

Craig Horwitz — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 18:16:37 -0400

Why would anyone in their right mind be pro-fillers? They dilute taste and hence, they dilute life. Well guess what, that is yet another evil role of mayonnaise: The Great diluter of Life . Case and point: horse radish sauce. If you are fan of the hot roast beef sandwich on a Kaiser roll, you will probably ask for some horse radish. (which is worthy of the utmost respect) Unfortunately, some restaurants may secretly replace their horse radish with something called “horse radish sauce.“ So you need to ask up-front if they are diluting their horse radish because, and I do not mean to start a wide spread panic here, it is diluted with mayo!!! If the dilution take place in-house, then you still might be able to receive 100% pure Columbian horse radish before it gets infected.

Intestinal Bombs

Craig Horwitz — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 20:46:40 -0400

Like most anti-mayites out there, you probably indulge in the majority of oil-based salad dressings. (as our overall dressing choices are limited in life) And like myself , you may even enjoy an occasional hard boiled egg. It is really ignorant when someone tries to “call out” a mayonnaise hater on eating those two things separately, merely on the basis that combining them begins the horrid mayonation process. Completely irrelevant! If you were ever put in that ridiculous situation , please do not get defensive or resort to violence. You just need to refer your misinformed food critic to Die Hard:With a Vengeance. Are you familiar with that movie? If so, then you might remember there is a plot to blow up schools and when they discover the chemicals behind the bomb,

Happy 7-Eleven day!!!

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 08:20:55 -0400

In terms of convenience stores, this blog has always thrown its endorsement to Wawa. And all you have to do is look towards their deli to see the reason. . Come on now, fresh deli sandwiches where you have total "condiment control" via a computer monitor. Wawa’s sandwich technology clearly provides peace of mind for the mayo haters of the world. However, today’s date is 7-11 and the one technology that Wawa could not duplicate (nor any other store for that matter) would be the slurpee. And since 7-11 is giving out free slurpees today, in honor of their 80th anniversary on what they are deeming “7-Eleven day,” a plug seems to be

Mayo-off or go blind !

Craig Horwitz — Tue, 15 May 2007 21:09:49 -0400

Well, common sense always told us that mayonnaise is really really bad for our health , just by reading the mere ingredients. So it doesn’t take a plumber to realize that it clogs arteries. However, props to some Boston researchers who found an interesting new twist about mayo’s bad influence on our health. Turns out that it clearly causes cataracts! If you are a mayo abuser , then for the sake of your eyesight, please read this article.

Playing Mad Scientist with the French Toast

Craig Horwitz — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 12:19:00 -0400

Okay, okay, I know what you are thinking. “You get more basic than French Toast; it's just eggs and bread." Well first off, even if you feel that way, there's still a danger of making the rookie mistake and not recognizing the egg as the star of this dish. So saturate that bread! (my general rule is 2 large eggs for every 3 pieces) But going beyond the basics, there are just so many cool things foodies can do to jazz up our French toast. For example, don’t be fooled into thinking the “primadonna” eggs have a monogamous relationship with Stroehmann’s white bread. Eggs are loose; they get around. Let them find their way into German potato bread and Jewish Challah . In addition to nutritional advantages, the melting pot of cultures will help prevent those pretentious French from getting

Wow, I could've had a V-7 !

Craig Horwitz — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 19:53:33 -0500

Whenever I go out to dinner, my go-to drink before the meal is the elusive Vodka-7up. Well, it's not the actual drink that is elusive...... it's the name. (which is surprisingly lacking) Like most human beings , I am lazy when it comes to names. (Ever notice how every name on the universe will eventually get nicknamed down to to one syllable?) So getting back to my Vodka- 7up I don't feel the need to spell out all of the ingredients every time, especially for a drink that is so standard. Then, the perfect name hit me like a ton of coasters......a V-7!!! This should stand the test of time. I kept to the formula by

Death of a Hamburger Bun

Craig Horwitz — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 14:41:49 -0500

Have you noticed an alarming trend in America's casual restaurants and diners? If you have not been a victim yet, I bet you at least know people who have gone through this extremely traumatic event. Let me lay it down for ya: You order a burger and it comes back on a Kaiser roll ! Hello, I did not order a deli sandwich; I ordered a freakin burger! And the whole reason why they call it a "hamburger roll" is due to the fact that it's the appropriate soft shelter for your beef patty. You see, any foodie knows that hamburger rolls have "shmush factor" allowing

Fear of a dry sandwich

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 20:57:48 -0500

Mayonnaise is the most disgusting thing on this planet and it needs to be stopped. At Holdthatmayo Headquarters, we initially thought the best way to fight this beast was to endorse other condiments. But contributing to the Ketchup lobby backfired . If unsupervised, ketchup will stray to the other side of the tracks, hang with the "wrong element" and boom, come back as Russian dressing. (which can easily find its way back on an unsuspecting sandwich in most Jewish deli's) Hence the mayonnaise comes full circle and thus, has the last laugh,. Next, we looked at Mustard but turns out, that can not be trusted either. You see, its kissing cousin, Dijon, may occasionally cross over to the "other side" of the tracks and mix with you know what. Yup, mayo is indeed the condiment whore.

Hash Browns vs. Home fries: I am drawing a line in the sand, where do you stand?

Craig Horwitz — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 19:39:00 -0500

Since the beginning of time, mankind (as well as womankind) has been torn by breakfast side dishes. You either stand on the Hash Browns team or the Home Fries one. There is really no middle ground. In fact, back in medieval times , you could have your hand cut off, by merely ordering Hash Browns in a Home Fries stronghold. And it was this polarization that led to the lack of choice in diners across America.

Enter the Meatrix

Craig Horwitz — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:53:00 -0400

TheMeatrix.com, featured on the right nav, is extremely creative, in addition to being eye opening. Please check out this film as it is important to learn the truth about the greedy "Factory Farming" corporations. Unlike past animal protests, the makers of the Meatrix are carnovoirs, giving them instant street cred. (which is why they instantly caught my attention)You see, they are not questioning the place for human beings on top of the food chain; only the inhumane conditions in these factory farms. Moopheus, the leader of the resistance, knows that he will eventually die to become steak. That is his calling since God made him so delicious.

HoldThatMayo.com- More than a Food Blog; a Food Revolution !

Craig Horwitz — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 22:42:00 -0400

Welcome! You found the premier blog to discuss, debate, and learn about food. This is OUR community so you are encouraged to add your own spin to the food rants , answer our important surveys, trade mayo-free recipes, participate in restaurant boycotts, challenge yourself with our culinary crosswords, and most importantly, have some fun along the way. You can even purchase some really cool apparel to help spread the word to stop spreading that nasty condiment! However, becoming a part of our blog community means more than sharing a dream of a world without mayonnaise. It means that you really care about the type of food you put in your stomach; It means you are passionate about making the world a better place to eat; It means you thrive on being a part of something really big. You see, mayo is also a metaphor for everything that is soulless and wrong in the culinary world. If us foodies unite, we can start calling the shots and make HoldThatMayo.com the #1 food blog on the web!