Facebooking Against Big Mayo

As we approach the end of our  summer hiatus,  the mayo fight has been cranked up even another notch.  I am excited  to announce that scores of groups have been  popping up left and right on Facebook and MySpace, bringing together people from all walks of life who share a common enemy. Many of these group memberships are in triple digits, some even four. If you are searching for these holy armies on any of the social networks, it's best to do a key word search that's a bit more specific than “mayo.”  You see,  in addition to being Satan's spew, Mayo also happens to be a county in Ireland and an obscure college in India.  (although not obscure enough to prevent their annoying alumni from organizing facebook groups for their ill-conceived university name.) You will even come across a few sick groups who have a “love of mayo” theme but please don't be scared.  This is actually another positive function of social networking in our War Against Mayo, which we learned way back in the Godfather I and II. (“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”) So for a more targeted search, it's  best to add words like “sucks” , “hate” and “anti” against the terms “mayo” and “mayonnaise.” (Some groups  spell out the full name of the beast.)  So for example, some successful searches would be “mayo sucks” and “hate mayonnaise”  You will be amazed about how many  groups come up during these filtered searches who think the same way as we do. One of the more successful hate groups on Facebook is based out of Malibu California.(their logo is above) They actually organized a huge protest in front of the Heinz factory in downtown Los Angeles on

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Renowned Caterer Creates 12 days of Mayo-free Pasta Salad for the July 4th Holiday!

There is nothing more perplexing as to why soiling some cold chicken or pasta with a mayo adhesive gets to be called a salad?  Originally, a salad was only supposed to be a colorful, lite, and nutritious dance of fresh vegetables. Well, the history behind this brutal word-twisting can no doubt be attributed to Big Mayo. Their motive was to make people feel better about themselves, after consuming their white poison! By the way, for those not familiar with the term, Big Mayo, it applies to the “big three” mayonnaise corporations in the United States and United Kingdom. (i.e.  Hellmann’s, Heinz and Kraft Foods)  So it’s always inspiring when we get to report about people like Colleen Cheechalk, who is taking on Big Mayo head on. Ms. Cheechalk  is a well known private caterer in upstate NY, and President of the Eat Local Southern Tier. (a great organization  that connects food-service professionals, farm, and community together to promote eating that is good, clean and fair)  But most important, (for our purposes, anyway) is that she's the author of the cooking blog, foodwineartdesign.com.  Last year around this time, she created the 12 days of mayo-free pasta salad to lead us into the July 4th  celebration. Although this ground-breaking piece fell under our radar at HoldThatMayo Headquarters, fortunately we caught it in time for  this year’s Independence  Day. (which thanks to Ms. Cheechalk, can also mean independence from mayonnaise for salads all across our great land)  Each of the 12 days features a creative and refreshing  recipe, completely void of mayo. She really showcases

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Hot Dog Theory of Man

So a reality television star is actually putting condiments into the spotlight. Introducing Jillian Harris, who during a previous stint on the Bachelor, came up with a very quirky love theorem. It’s based on hot dogs! Yes, I said hot dogs so no need to adjust your monitor. In the World According to Jill, the window into a man’s soul is his preferred topping . ( * when limited to only 1 hot dog accessory ) Now that Jill upgraded herself to the star of “The Bachelorette,” this restaurant designer and wannabe foodie psychologist can really dig deep into field testing. However, before poking any holes into Jill’s “theory” we first need to express that:

   a) We think it’s mega cool that she’s so passionate about hot dogs.

   b) Thank God she didn't dare include mayo as a possible hot dog condiment!

The problem is that while it is certainly very original and clever, there is not even

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HoldThatMayo Gaining Momentum in Canada of all Places !

At first , I was surprised to see holdthatmayo.com really start to take hold in Canada. You see, initially, I had completely written off that country. In case you are not already aware,  it's a hotbed of mayonnaise consumption up there! (most likely due to that nasty French influence) But as the hits kept pouring in from our northern neighbors, it got me thinking that Canada is a place where the  seeds of condiment  discontent can most flourish.  It's like we're taking the battle to ground zero where not even hamburgers are safe.

So with that in mind, it's time to honor the film “The Whole Nine Yards.” It takes place in the Great White North and accurately depicts the deplorable eating conditions our non-French Canadian Comrades experience.  Bruce Willis has a fantastic anti-mayo rant that will begin at the 1:10 mark on the clip to your right. It kinda puts everything into perspective.

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Getting Drunk on Bacon

Whenever I go off about bacon being a gift from God , being able to create world-peace, complementing every single dish on earth, yada yada yada, I always exclude beverages and deserts in the fine print. (even the most rabid bacon fanatic would surely hurl at the sight of bacon bits on their chocolate milkshake) However, after a recent trip to Las Vegas, I learned that “alcoholic” beverages might be a whole different ballgame. Believe it or not, there's a place in sin city called the Double-Down saloon that serves a Bacon-tini. It's basically alcohol poured over raw bacon and aged a week in the fridge! (the version in the pic below looks like it is a cooked version which dependent upon your perspective, could make it more appealing)  Sadly, as pro-bacon as I am, I couldn't go there.  But for what it's worth, I am now feeling a twinge of regret. However, I am hopeful  that some of our readers will find the internal strength, overcome their fear of salmonella , and take the plunge, the next time they are in Vegas. If so, please post the details here so I can vicariously drink this sweet nectar of the pig .

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California Eating

In order to advertise any omelet specifically  as a “California Omelet” there needs to be an avocado inside.  (As that  fruit is synonymous with California.)  Now I know some foodies out there are questioning the “fruit” label they just read. However, even  though it tastes like a vegetable, the seeds dictate otherwise, very much like the tomato. I would actually prefer that we draw the line between fruit and vegetable by taste, not seeds,  but that is another post. So getting back on point, Californians know their avocado. So no surprise that straight out of the Golden State , comes great news  that the golden avocado can actually replace mayo in tuna and chicken salad. Anti-mayites get beat up for not partaking in these so called  lettuce-free “salads”  but no more, thanks to Michael Goran, Ph.D., professor of preventive medicine at the Keck School of Medicine of USC. He discovered that the smooth avocado texture produces the same effect, while avocados are higher in monounsaturated fatty acids (the good kind) and low in saturated fat. This means that chicken-salad lovers can  lower their cholesterol numbers and stop skeezing out all

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Obama Hates the Mayonnaise !

As soon as Barack Obama admitted to the New York Times that he hates mayo, Holdthemayites across the world began to salivate. The thought of the leader of the culinary world, Rachael Ray, and the potential leader of the free world, coming together on this issue , could mean mayo's days are seriously numbered. Suddenly, thoughts of mayo-free dining areas and tax breaks to restaurants who refuse to create a Satan Sandwich by adding any unsolicited slime do not seem so outlandish.  Looking back, it was a bit premature for this blog to endorse Hillary Clinton, but to our defense, Barrack had not yet come out of the jar.  Many thanks to Charles Memminger, for helping to publicize this story. Charles is an award winning columnist from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin who

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Ronald McDonald- Classic Clown Serial Killer

One could say that Ronald Mcdonald fits the profile of the classic serial killer. Think about it: He dresses like a clown, (click here to see Stephen King's view on the subject) and more importantly, slowly killed millions over the years with his fried, greasy, mayo-laced food. However, since there is not an immediate cause-effect relationship, many parents still do not think twice about sending their kids down the deep dark path of Happy Meals. If they watched this commercial beforehand, I bet they would think twice. How creepy is this!

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Press the “Easy Button” to lower your cholesterol

The “in” thing these days in  medical circles, regardless of a person's age, is  routinely checking  cholesterol levels. Suddenly, we approach a doctor’s appointment like we’re cramming for a  college final, sacrificing as much red meat and saturated fats as possible, in the 11th hour,  to achieve that passing LDL score.  However, would  you also consider drinking  a glass of red wine per day a sacrifice? You see,  discoveries  are happening on multiple fronts  that show  red wine lowers ldl .  (but  not so much its white counterpart) These studies are reinforced by what is known as  “ the  French Paradox” — An  association between red wine and decreased heart disease  in a country  obsessed with cooking in  eggs! (turns out those French mayo-eating bastards can actually teach us a lesson with regard to our beverage consumption).  — This medical fact was first  attributed to resveratrol, a compound found in grapes, which acts as an antioxidant. Now ,  even more recent news came in December

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Holdthatmayo.com endorses Hillary Clinton

Food preferences are strong clues to personality. Just look at the cliche “you are what you eat.” So surprisingly, the major media outlets have really dropped the ball on this issue, with respect to the 2008 presidential campaign.  Therefore I have extensively researched clues to the candidates' eating habits from various web sites and blog postings, to help determine which candidate should earn our endorsement.  I could not find any anti-mayo views in the McCain camp. This was not surprising. He has fully endorsed and wants to continue the Bush administration's policies in Iraq. Clearly he is a warmonger. Warmongers do not value human life, thus warmongers will not think twice about eating or even endorsing for that matter, some slimy, vile, artery clogging substance like mayo. However on the democrat side of things, I was really surprised to not find any record of Barack Obama speaking out on this issue. Here's why. Did you ever see the very under-rated Undercover Brother ? For those who missed that flick, Undercover Brother (played brilliantly by Eddie Griffin) is recruited by the group of Good Guys, know as the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D. an all-black justice league to foil the Man's plan to derail a Colin Powell-like presidential candidate. There is an infamous quote from this movie : ” if you're going to fit in to white America, you're gonna have to learn to like MAYONNAISE! ” Yup, that was a theme

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