HoldThatMayo.com - The Official Site of The Mayo Conspiracy

Press the “Easy Button” to lower your cholesterol

The “in” thing these days in  medical circles, regardless of a person's age, is  routinely checking  cholesterol levels. Suddenly, we approach a doctor’s appointment like we’re cramming for a  college final, sacrificing as much red meat and saturated fats as possible, in the 11th hour,  to achieve that passing LDL score.  However, would  you also consider drinking  a glass of red wine per day a sacrifice? You see,  discoveries  are happening on multiple fronts  that show  red wine lowers ldl .  (but  not so much its white counterpart) These studies are reinforced by what is known as  “ the  French Paradox” — An  association between red wine and decreased heart disease  in a country  obsessed with cooking in  eggs! (turns out those French mayo-eating bastards can actually teach us a lesson with regard to our beverage consumption).  — This medical fact was first  attributed to resveratrol, a compound found in grapes, which acts as an antioxidant. Now ,  even more recent news came in December

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Holdthatmayo.com endorses Hillary Clinton

Food preferences are strong clues to personality. Just look at the cliche "you are what you eat." So surprisingly, the major media outlets have really dropped the ball on this issue, with respect to the 2008 presidential campaign.  Therefore I have extensively researched clues to the candidates' eating habits from various web sites and blog postings, to help determine which candidate should earn our endorsement.  I could not find any anti-mayo views in the McCain camp. This was not surprising. He has fully endorsed and wants to continue the Bush administration's policies in Iraq. Clearly he is a warmonger. Warmongers do not value human life, thus warmongers will not think twice about eating or even endorsing for that matter, some slimy, vile, artery clogging substance like mayo. However on the democrat side of things, I was really surprised to not find any record of Barack Obama speaking out on this issue. Here's why. Did you ever see the very under-rated Undercover Brother ? For those who missed that flick, Undercover Brother (played brilliantly by Eddie Griffin) is recruited by the group of Good Guys, know as the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D. an all-black justice league to foil the Man's plan to derail a Colin Powell-like presidential candidate. There is an infamous quote from this movie : " if you're going to fit in to white America, you're gonna have to learn to like MAYONNAISE! " Yup, that was a theme

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McDonalds Getting Desperate


It has been over 3 years since its release and it seems like McDonalds has definitely been feeling the ill effects of the Super Size Me phenomenon. America is now more educated than ever about the toxicity of fast food so McDonalds first responded with a few semi-healthy additions to their menu. However, a little yogurt for desert is not going to counteract all the ill effects of that low quality, fried burger smothered with mayo. No McDonalds , there is nothing special about your so called "special sauce." We all know it spoiled mayo so let's call a spade a spade! And as far as your salads, you even managed to screw up your vegetables.  Recent research claims that  McDonalds'  salads contain nearly a third more salt than a Big Mac and Fries. And once you add that disgusting mayo-based dressing, the overall calorie count

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Time for the Mayo Clinic to Change its Name !


I was checking out a global ranking of life expectancy and after realizing that people from developed Asian countries are clearly living longer, (Japan and Hong Kong are at the top of the list), it’s long overdue for some studies linking their lifestyle to their longevity. And by “lifestyle”, I am mostly referring to diet, of course. You gotta give props to eastern medicine which tends to be more “preventative” than its western counterpart. Another distinction, is their reliance on sea vegetation. But most important of all, Asians do not eat mayonnaise. I double-dog dare you to post even one item from a Japanese restaurant that is contaminated. So the connection is clear . Now it’s just a matter of waiting for some formal study making this link official. When that blessed day arrives, the Mayo Clinic will need to change their horribly ironic name. (wouldn’t it be great if they are the ones who end up doing the study!) Regardless, how can any health organization justify being named after something that is proven to be bad for you? Another reason

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Foodies Need to Beware of Fillers

Why would anyone in their right mind be pro-fillers? They dilute taste and hence, they dilute life. Well guess what, that is yet another evil role of mayonnaise: The Great diluter of Life . Case and point: horse radish sauce. If you are fan of the hot roast beef sandwich on a Kaiser roll, you will probably ask for some horse radish. (which is worthy of the utmost respect) Unfortunately, some restaurants may secretly replace their horse radish with something called “horse radish sauce.“ So you need to ask up-front if they are diluting their horse radish because, and I do not mean to start a wide spread panic here, it is diluted with mayo!!! If the dilution take place in-house, then you still might be able to receive 100% pure Columbian horse radish before it gets infected.

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Intestinal Bombs

Like most anti-mayites out there, you probably indulge in the majority of oil-based salad dressings. (as our overall dressing choices are limited in life) And like myself , you may even enjoy an occasional hard boiled egg. It is really ignorant when someone tries to “call out” a mayonnaise hater on eating those two things separately, merely on the basis that combining them begins the horrid mayonation process. Completely irrelevant! If you were ever put in that ridiculous situation , please do not get defensive or resort to violence. You just need to refer your misinformed food critic to Die Hard:With a Vengeance. Are you familiar with that movie? If so, then you might remember there is a plot to blow up schools and when they discover the chemicals behind the bomb,

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Happy 7-Eleven day!!!

In terms of convenience stores, this blog has always thrown its endorsement to Wawa. And all you have to do is look towards their deli to see the reason. Come on now, fresh deli sandwiches where you have total "condiment control" via a computer monitor. Wawa’s sandwich technology clearly provides peace of mind for the mayo haters of the world ! However, today’s date is 7-11 and the one technology that Wawa could not duplicate (nor any other store for that matter) would be the slurpee. And since 7-11 is giving out free slurpees today, in honor of their 80th anniversary on what they are deeming “7-Eleven day,” a plug seems to be

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Mayo-off or go blind !

Well, common sense always told us that mayonnaise is really really bad for our health , just by reading the mere ingredients. So it doesn’t take a plumber to realize that it clogs arteries. However, props to some Boston researchers who found an interesting new twist about mayo’s bad influence on our health. Turns out that that mayonnaise causes cataracts! If you are a mayo abuser,

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Playing Mad Scientist with the French Toast

Okay, okay, I know what you are thinking. “You get more basic than French Toast; it's just eggs and bread." Well first off, even if you feel that way, there's still a danger of making the rookie mistake and not recognizing the egg as the star of this dish. So saturate that bread! (my general rule is 2 large eggs for every 3 pieces) But going beyond the basics, there are just so many cool things foodies can do to jazz up our French toast. For example, don’t be fooled into thinking the “primadonna” eggs have a monogamous relationship with Stroehmann’s white bread. Eggs are loose; they get around. Let them find their way into German potato bread and Jewish Challah . In addition to nutritional advantages, the melting pot of cultures will help prevent those pretentious French from getting

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Wow, I could've had a V-7 !

Whenever I go out to dinner, my go-to drink before the meal is the elusive Vodka-7up. Well, it's not the actual drink that is elusive...... it's the name. (which is surprisingly lacking) Like most human beings , I am lazy when it comes to names. (Ever notice how every name on the universe will eventually get nicknamed down to to one syllable?) So getting back to my Vodka- 7up I don't feel the need to spell out all of the ingredients every time, especially for a drink that is so standard. Then, the perfect name hit me like a ton of coasters......a V-7!!! This should stand the test of time. I kept to the formula by

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