Mayonnaise Substitute

War On Mayo

The Global War On Mayo

For those hard-core mayo haters, like myself, we really question the tuna fish requirement since it is soaking in oil anyway. We scoff at the notion that a sandwich requires the white slime when the tomato can moisturize just as well without making the bread soggy. (not to mention, a longer shelf life for any uneaten portion) And last but not least, we are completely offended by utilizing the liquid goo as a filler for crab cakes and horse radish in place of the 100% real thing. However, for those M-heads, set in their ways, not questioning what they put in their bodies, well, to win those hearts, minds and stomachs we need to go beyond preaching the evils of mayonnaise. We need to offer a valid mayo substitute. So this post will focus on the top 3 weapons in our arsenal to help get people off their nasty mayo habit.

Avocado– Brought to you by sunny California, this can reinvent the way people think about tuna fish and club sandwiches. (I attended the time-tested marriage of turkey and avocado and it was a blissful event) One medium avocado has 276 calories but it does not make empty promises with empty calories. We are talking serious nutritional value. For example, they have phytosterols, which have anti-inflammatory benefits. This is good news if you are dealing with arthritis in any way. The flesh has a number of carotenoids which is a monounsaturated fatty acid that helps lower the risk of heart disease. But most importantly, due to the  consistency, it has the potential to redefine how people consume tuna fish.  The only challenge is helping people get past the color change from white to green. And our fearless leader, Rachael Ray , already came up with a mayo-free crab cake recipe that substitutes the avocado.

Greek Yogurt- Guess what. Yogurt also has more nutritional value than mayo!  Yeah I know that is not saying much since  mayo is one of the most fat-laden, calorie dense foods out there. However, let’s still  compare some stats so you can see the magnitude of the difference:

  • Tablespoon of mayonnaise = 103 calories, 11 grams fat
  • Tablespoon of plain nonfat yogurt = 7 calories, 0 grams fat

So why specifically go Greek,  you ask? Well, it is made by an ancient straining technique that removes most of the excess liquid from the yogurt, allowing for a richer, creamier product and thus, the higher protein content will satisfy your appetite longer. Even better, that extra creaminess makes it a suitable adhesive for you favorite salads. Works great on sandwiches as well. Yes, versatility is one of Greek yogurt’s biggest strengths!

Hummus- What makes a basic sandwich unhealthy? More often than not, it’s that white gunky, egg-based sandwich spread, duh. Hummus, a Mediterranean dip made from pureed chickpeas, olive oil,  garlic, and lemon juice, not only tastes great, but is much healthier. Why not try a little hummus spread on your next sandwich? These days, it’s easy to locate pre-packaged hummus at the grocery store. Although it’s been popular in the Middle East for centuries, it is rapidly developing a cult following in the west as well.

Health-conscious people will dig that Hummus contains no cholesterol or saturated fat, while being high in fiber and protein. Ans it is not just isolated to vegetarian dishes but crosses all carrnivoir lines to be served in a variety of  recipes. Since a  single tablespoon of hummus contains  only 27 calories, the reality is mayonnaise has almost four times as many calories and twelve times as much fat. Hummus not only has less fat, but its primary fat is monounsaturated, which is better for you than the disgusting saturated fat found in mayonnaise.

So in place of slimiest condiment  in the history of the world, why not substitute plain non-fat Greek yogurt, avocado, or even Hummus into your next eating adventure. I guarantee it will be a delightful treat you that your body will feel better about.


Happy Eating,


Craig Horwitz

The Black Keys Say No To The White Slime

The world famous Akron, OH rock duo, the Black Keys, refused to sell out to the evil mayonnaise industry during their early days on tour. Big Mayo was ready to throw tons of money to these musicians who were literally starving artists at the time, but they stood their ground. So at HoldThatMayo headquarters, we want to commend the Black Keys for staying true to their hearts and their stomachs.(check out the 1:05 mark in the below video)

Rachael Ray Assaulted By Katherine McPhee!

Rachael Ray, the TV personality, businesswoman, author, celebrity chef and most importantly, card carrying member of the World Wide I Hate Mayonnaise Club, was sneak attacked by the featured guest on her talk show! Katherine McPhee. the star of the NBC series Smash, is now officially the enemy of the mayo resistance as she tried to Pearl Harbor our fearless leader on national television with mayonnaise.(at the 2:38 mark) Talk about lack of respect for the famous foodie who has conducted ground-breaking research on removing the mayo requirement from potato salad! Luckily Rachael defended herself admirably. Although no harm was done, we are officially calling for a boycott of the TV series, Smash, due to this unprovoked attack on our Commanding General of the War on Mayo! Although admittedly, the show is already in trouble without any such boycotts, due to its drop in the ratings. Chalk that one off to karma!

Calories in Mayonnaise


Mayo has that rare combination of tasting really gross and being really bad for you. (Usually those two factors are indirectly proportional) It’s difficult to quantify bad taste since that tends to be more instinctive , at least for those who have not been brainwashed by the fear of a dry sandwich. But in terms of being unhealthy, we can just take a look at the tale of the tape and abruptly end the argument. Let’s start with the #1 competitors, ketchup and mustard. One serving of standard yellow mustard, has no calories, no fat, no carbs, no cholesterol and only 55 grams of sodium. Hallelujah. In moderation, there’s really nothing wrong with ketchup as well. For example, Heinz tomato ketchup only provides 15 calories, 4 grams of carbs and 190 mg sodium per tablespoon serving. Now let’s get into the white gunk. The stats for one of the major national brands, Hellmann’s, are indicative of the entire disgusting genre: 103 calories, 10 grams fat, 5 mg cholesterol and 90 mg sodium per tablespoon. But if you just substituted some nice olive oil, your calorie count drops to 40 with no sugar and very low sodium levels.

The prosecution rests!

Happy Eating,

Craig Horwitz


Foodies Love Man V. Food

Once not to love about a guy sacrificing his body in the name of a plaque on a restaurant wall of fame or perhaps a free t-shirt, just for eating some ridiculous amount of food. Hence the allure of the Travel’s channel hit show, Man V. Food, where the host, Adam Richman, combines eating , travel, and the wide world of sports . The challenges are so intense that the food many times is the victor, yet Adam would always make himself available for the post game press conference. (looking as battered as a prized fighter who just went 15 rounds.) However, just like any great athlete , there comes a time when your stomach and bowels can not compete at the same competitive level so it was sad news when Adam announced his retirement from competitive eating. The official response was “ after doing 59 food challenges for the show, the “spectacle diminishes over time,” and viewers would have eventually become bored if the show continued. “ But behind the scenes, confirms that the retirement was highly motivated by health concerns, which is not a stretch after viewing the clip below, But we have to give him props for calling it a day before his skills took a serious slide . He gets to retire from his game on top like when he took on 72 ounces of steak in 1 hour! Notice his use of condiments (non mayo based) to help the steak slide down.

Cats Weigh In On Mayo Controversy

The Animal Kingdom has a voice online as well. (and since animals are all foodies at heart, we should really listen to what they have to say!) I love how this cat instinctively knew that mayo is not food but the enemy! So massive props to our feline friend for expressing himself on YouTube. He can be our official mascot for the war on mayonnaise. I love being supported by the species known for discriminating taste. Our culinary army continues to grow. Enjoy!

Lobster Contamination in New England

A reader named M, from Boston, writes:

OK, I have nothing against mayo, except that I can’t stand to eat it, and I suspect that it goesrancid very easily, That said, like most Bostonians, I like lobster, but I hate picking one apart. The alternative is a lobster roll. There are 2 kinds of lobster rolls: those made with melted butter and those made with mayo. The problem is that I can’t seem to find a single restaurant in the Boston area that serves a butter-based lobster roll. — This is what we call choice.

Well M, one great thing about your area as that you have acccess to affordable lobster. (who knew a bug could be so delicious) I have always avoided the rolls cause there is an adhesive involved, and the mayo industry wants their slimy product to always be that adhesive.  I’d imagine butter would work great since most people like to dip fresh lobster in hot butter anyway. It’s ashame that mayo weezled its way into the picture. I have mentioned several times how it’s sacriledge to combine bacon and mayo since bacon is a gift from God , being so versatile and delicious. Therefore, one could say that lobster is “the bacon of the sea” so infecting it with mayo is 1st degree fish-slaughter.

Everywhere I ask, they all say that they make up the lobster ahead of time, and they like mayo, so that’s how they make it. Please let me know if you or any of your supporters know where I can get a nice mayo-free lobster roll.


I did some preliminary research and it seems like Connecticutt is the one state that is actually known for using butter on their lobster rolls. I realize that’s a bit of a hike for you but the next time you are heading south, you could have some success.

Best of luck to you and happy eating,

Craig Horwitz


For Lobster lovers only! Have live Maine lobster and Atlantic fresh seafood delivered overnight to your front door.


Update-8-24-2010 :  M came through with a solution for us!  This is the type of grass roots investigation that really shows off the skills of our anti-mayo army!

Found it!

The 99 Restaurant, a chain of mid-priced restaurants mostly in Southern New England with a few in other areas, including one in Philly, has a lobster roll made with butter instead of mayonnaise. I haven’t tried it yet, but plan to soon. There is one in the Boston suburb I live in.

It costs about $16, which I’ll admit is pricey.

Lobster is endangered from Cape Cod to North Carolina. The government wanted to ban lobstering there, but lobstermen lobbied for the right to extinction.

From north of Cape Cod up to Nova Scotia, in what’s known as the Gulf of Maine, lobster is still plentiful. The North Shore town I live in has a lobstering fleet.

Here’s a link to the page that lists it. 99 Restaurant Seafood Menu

Facebooking Against Big Mayo

As we approach the end of our  summer hiatus,  the mayo fight has been cranked up even another notch.  I am excited  to announce that scores of groups have been  popping up left and right on Facebook and MySpace, bringing together people from all walks of life who share a common enemy. Many of these group memberships are in triple digits, some even four. If you are searching for these holy armies on any of the social networks, it's best to do a key word search that's a bit more specific than “mayo.” You see,  in addition to being Satan's spew, Mayo also happens to be a county in Ireland and an obscure college in India.  (although not obscure enough to prevent their annoying alumni from organizing facebook groups for their ill-conceived university name.) You will even come across a few sick groups who have a “love of mayo” theme but please don't be scared.  This is actually another positive function of social networking in our War Against Mayo, which we learned way back in the Godfather I and II. (“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”) So for a more targeted search, it's  best to add words like “sucks” , “hate” and “anti” against the terms “mayo” and “mayonnaise.” (Some groups  spell out the full name of the beast.)  So for example, some successful searches would be “mayo sucks” and “hate mayonnaise”  You will be amazed about how many  groups come up during these filtered searches who think the same way as we do. One of the more successful hate groups on Facebook is based out of Malibu California.(their logo is above) They actually organized a huge protest in front of the Heinz factory in downtown Los Angeles on August 21st. (marching, sign-age, the whole 9 yards) Remember  that Heinz is one third of Big Mayo so maybe next year ‘s protest can include  Hellmann's and Kraft foods as well. Add some live music and boom,  we’ll  have the makings of a full fledged coordinated global protest against the corporate giants behind  Big Mayo. 

Renowned Caterer Creates 12 days of Mayo-free Pasta Salad for the July 4th Holiday!

There is nothing more perplexing as to why soiling some cold chicken or pasta with a mayo adhesive gets to be called a salad?  Originally, a salad was only supposed to be a colorful, lite, and nutritious dance of fresh vegetables. Well, the history behind this brutal word-twisting can no doubt be attributed to Big Mayo. Their motive was to make people feel better about themselves, after consuming their white poison! By the way, for those not familiar with the term, Big Mayo, it applies to the “big three” mayonnaise corporations in the United States and United Kingdom. (i.e.  Hellmann’s, Heinz and Kraft Foods)  So it’s always inspiring when we get to report about people like Colleen Cheechalk, who is taking on Big Mayo head on.  Ms. Cheechalk  is a well known private caterer in upstate NY, and President of the Eat Local Southern Tier. (a great organization  that connects food-service professionals, farm, and community together to promote eating that is good, clean and fair)  But most important, (for our purposes, anyway) is that she's the author of the cooking blog,  Last year around this time, she created the 12 days of mayo-free pasta salad to lead us into the July 4th  celebration. Although this ground-breaking piece fell under our radar at HoldThatMayo Headquarters, fortunately we caught it in time for  this year’s Independence  Day. (which thanks to Ms. Cheechalk, can also mean independence from mayonnaise for salads all across our great land)  Each of the 12 days features a creative and refreshing  recipe, completely void of mayo. She really showcases just how far one can go with items like  lemon juice, olive oil, soy sauce,  the right combination of spices and  farm fresh ingredients. As far as the more traditional pasta salads, oozing with empty calories  that comes only from adding  the creamy tasteless filth, we can all help show its true colors by coming up with more appropriate terms. For example, instead of  macaroni salad, call it  macaroni massacre. It's not chicken salad but chicken gunk.  We’d love to hear your own ideas as to what we can call these “imposter salads” in our comments section!

Happy eating,

Craig Horwitz

Hot Dog Theory of Man

So a reality television star is actually putting condiments into the spotlight. Introducing Jillian Harris, who during a previous stint on the Bachelor, came up with a very quirky love theorem. It’s based on hot dogs! Yes, I said hot dogs so no need to adjust your monitor. In the World According to Jill, the window into a man’s soul is his preferred topping . ( * when limited to only 1 hot dog accessory ) Now that Jill upgraded herself to the star of “The Bachelorette,” this restaurant designer and wannabe foodie psychologist can really dig deep into field testing. However, before poking any holes into Jill’s “theory” we first need to express that:

   a) We think it’s mega cool that she’s so passionate about hot dogs.

   b) Thank God she didn't dare include mayo as a possible hot dog condiment!

The problem is that while it is certainly very original and clever, there is not even the slightest remnant of logic to back it up. As the above link references, she feels squeezing out some ketchup denotes “an all American boy who is not a huge risk-taker.” Ex-squeeze me? First of all, there is nothing more un-American than a bleeding hot dog. Everyone knows mustard is clearly the yankee-doodle-dandy of hot dog condiments. The only thing good anyone could say about the ketchup move is that it's ballsy, which clearly contradicts the second part of her diagnosis. I think all this confusion might stem from Jillian actually being from Canada and not the U.S., so we'll cut her a bit of slack and move on. She concludes “onion guys will never marry” (possible due to bad breath?) and “Sauerkraut is the bad boy.” (hopefully, she does not offend too many Germans with the latter) But even if you can somehow roll with these culinary indications of sour traits, things turn even more ridiculous and fast as she expands her analysis in the video above. Jillian seems to be obsessed with finding “a mustard” who she feels are the most balanced people . However, the mustard gene pool runs deep. It's not like searching for the Holy Grail. What sort of freak doesn’t like mustard on their hot dog? Also in the video , she finally addresses relish , a condiment that can’t be overlooked since it’s probably the second most popular hot dog topping out there . She associates pickle juice with being artsy and creative but when she gets caught off guard by a bacon answer, she backpedals to  her official relish response. The problem is that bacon and relish have no similarities on the food chain. Plus, there is nothing creative about adding bacon because it makes everything taste better, duh! And then, fried onions denotes multiple marriages, but raw onion dudes will never marry?  Okay I am dizzy now from watching this video. Jillian, stop limiting your options and just date any preferred hot dog topping out there. As long as it's not mayo, we'll be rooting for you!

Happy eating,

Craig Horwitz